Something Borrowed, something Blue
by MeganKoumori
Summary: Drakken stands to inherit five hundred million dollars, IF he gets married by the end of the month. Now who could the lucky girl be? Please read author's note. Completed!
1. Chapter 1

Note: I realize this is similar in plot to Ron Millionaire (Kinda), but I actually came up with the idea for this fic a few years back, and with the past month or so, starting rewriting it. Also note, this is _not_ a lovey-dovey shipper fic. No mushy stuff, just comedy.

* * *

1:

* * *

The rain was pouring in torrents. Down, down it drizzled, splashing against the trees and dribbling down to the muddy ground.

Inside, Doctor Drakken held a newspaper over his head. "Grr…Oh…Ah!" He snarled as leaking water splattered around him. "Whose brilliant idea was it to move to Kerala during monsoon season?"

The automatic door whizzed open and Shego entered with a big bowl of Life cereal. "Gimme that!" Said Drakken, snatching it away from her.

"Hey! That's my breakfast!"

"Get yourself a grapefruit!" He dumped the cereal on the floor and placed the bowl under the leak.

"I hate grapefruit." Said Shego, hopping into a chair and crossing her arms. "Anyone with working taste buds does."

"Then get yourself an orange!" Shouted Drakken. "And while you're at it, get me some more bowls and buckets."

"It's your own fault for renting this little shack," Said Shego. "We could've had the nice big lair with the satellite dish and the mini bar, but you had to be cheap!"

Drakken had emptied out a flowerpot and stuck it under another leak. "We couldn't afford it, Shego. You know that! Taking over the world is a very expensive venture." Drakken grabbed a bucket that was already full of water and dumped it outside. "Death rays, hover cars, bail money." He replaced it. "Not to mention the salary I pay a certain someone to GIVE LIP ME ALL THE TIME!" He yelled at the green girl in the chair.

"Hmm, whatever." Shego grabbed the newspaper. "Why are you paying for this? It's in Malayalam! No wonder you're broke!"

Drakken sank into the chair across from her. "Wouldn't it be nice to be rich, Shego? To have all the money you want?" He rested his tiny hands on his chin.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, sure." She mumbled.

"Oh sure, taking over the world is great and all, but what good is it if you can't afford swimming pools and helicopters and an entourage and gold toilet seats and those itty-bitty cocktail weenies in barbecue sauce?"

Shego looked up. "Gold what?"

"I guess it's just hopeless." Drakken got up and paced. "I should just go back home and be a Torah Scholar just like Dear Old Dad! Leave this crazy dream behind!"

The doorbell rang. "Uh, Doctor D?"

"You know I should really go on a Pilgrimage. You know, get in touch with my spiritual side." Drakken said.

The bell rang again. Shego tossed the paper over her shoulder. "I'll get it." Opening the door, she frowned. "What do you want?"

Three men in raincoats and suits stood out in the rain. "Hello, we're here to speak with Drew Lipsky."

"Well come in," Shego stepped aside. "Hey, Drakken…"

Drakken held his head in his hands. "Oh, but visiting the Holy Land costs money! It's hopeless!"

"DRAKKEN!"

"What?" He whirled around. "Who are you? Why are you interrupting my ranting?"

"Drew Lipsky?"

"That depends." Drakken crossed his arms. "Who's asking?"

"Dewy."

"Cheatham."

"Howe."

"We represent your late great uncle twice removed, Boaz Lipsky." Said Dewy, setting a suitcase on the table.

"Uncle Boaz, Uncle Boaz…" Drakken scratched his head. "Ah yes! The one who always cheated at Strategories!" He glowered. "I hate family reunions." Then shouted, "And I never get to be the racecar!"

"Your Uncle Boaz passed away recently. Unfortunately," Said Cheatham. "You weren't present at the funeral or the reading of the will."

"Yeah, well I was in jail-I mean," Said Drakken hastily. "I had the Ostrich Pox! Very contagious you know! Can't be infecting the corpse!"

"Dr. Lipsky," Said Dewy. "We have a copy of your Uncle's will right here, and it seems you receive a certain sum."

"Ah," Drakken sank into a chair. "Pennies from Heaven."

"More like thousands from Heaven."

"Huh?"

"Dr. Lipsky, your Uncle has left you a lump sum of…" Dewy paused. "Five hundred million dollars."

Drakken nearly fell out of his seat. "FIVE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS!"

Shego looked smug. "I guess you'll get your cocktail weenies after all."


	2. Chapter 2

2:

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Shego said, leaning across the table. "'Drewbie' here gets five hundred million clams?"

"Don't call me that!" Snapped Drakken.

Shego gave a harsh laugh. "Why?"

"Why not?" Drakken shouted, almost standing up out of his seat. "Seriously though," He said to the attorneys. "Why?"

"Your Uncle Boaz was one of the greatest museum thieves in the world." Said Dewy. "The Louvre, State Tretyakov Gallery, even the Baseball Hall of Fame was victim to his sticky fingers."

"Uh, yeah." Said Shego. "So why wasn't he in jail?"

"No evidence." Said Cheatham.

"That's what made him such a great thief!" Added Dewy. "Apparently, your uncle felt the only way you'd ever take over the world would be if you gained access to significant financial gain."

"Huh?"

"You need cash to make your schemes work." Said Shego.

"Oh," Said Drakken, then furrowed his brow. "Hey!"

"Congratulations, Dr. Lipsky." Dewy closed his case and stood. The other two copied his motion. "I have your bank check right here."

Drakken was almost drooling as he reached for the money. Howe coughed and whispered something to Dewy.

"Oh that's right." Said Dewy. "I forgot." He stuck the check back in his pocket. "There is a condition."

"Condition?" Repeated Drakken. "What kind of condition? Do I have to waste thirty million bucks? Adopt a Slobodian Rabbit? Whatever it is, I'll do it!"

Dewy, Cheatham, and Howe were already at the door. "You have to get married."

Drakken's face went pale. "Say what?"

"By the end of the month." Dewy tipped his hat. "_Mazel tov_, Dr. Lipsky!" And then the lawyers were gone.

* * *

"Tough break, Doctor D." Shego said as she filed her nails. She was sitting on the table.

"Married, at my age." Drakken slumped in his armchair. "Darn it, I'm a confirmed bachelor! How am I supposed to take over the world and put up with a wife! Darn it! Women are so bossy!" Drakken began to imitate his mother in an exaggerated high voice. "'_Pick up your socks! Put down the seat! You're always so absorbed in your work, Dan! Put down that scroll and talk to me!'"_ He groaned. "It's hopeless."

"No it's not." Shego jumped down. "All we have to do is find someone who will put up with you for a lifetime. Now let's see…"

"Never!" Shouted Drakken. He leaped out of his chair and shook his fist. "I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition than to ever let a woman in my life!"

"Will you be quiet?" Shego snapped. She placed her hands on her temples. "Alright, let me think here. She's gotta be smart."

Drakken stood next to her. "Yeah?"

"Well," Shego said snidely. "Not too smart if she's willing to marry you. She's gotta be patient. And with a certain percentage of evil."

"Evil, yeah! Good!" Drakken looked up and smiled thoughtfully. "Can she have green eyes? I've always liked green eyes."

"Focus!" Said Shego. "You need someone who can keep your feet on the ground, someone who can pull you back to Earth when you get flighty."

Drakken was still smiling and now he hugged himself. "Someone who will want to cuddle and be happy to rub my feet after a scheme goes bad."

"In that case, she can't have a sense of smell." Cracked Shego.

"I told you! My feet haven't smelled since I started using those odor eaters!" Drakken shouted.

"Whatever." Shego closed her eyes. "Think, think, think…"

"I got it!" Drakken cried. "It's perfect! We'll just dress up one of the henchmen as a woman! No one will be the wiser."

"No good," Said Shego. "What if they, you know, check?"

Drakken visibly shuddered. "Eww!"

"Back to the drawing board." Said Shego.

"Hmm…" There was a minute's silence as the two pondered. Suddenly, Drakken snapped his fingers. "Shego! You're a girl, aren't you?"

"Gee," Said Shego sarcastically. "I dunno, lemme check my pants!"

"No! No! Listen! We could get married!"

"What?" Shego balked. "Oh no! No!"

Shego ground her teeth. "You're almost twenty five years older than me!"

"Look Shego," Drakken put his hand on the table. "I'll cut you in! Say five percent!"

"Five percent?" Shego cackled.

"Please?"

"Fifty." Said Shego.

"FIFTY!" Yelled Drakken. "You're joking! Twenty-five!"

"Fifty."

"Thirty!"

"Fifty."

"Forty-five!"

"Fifty."

"Fifty!" Shouted Drakken.

Shego smiled. "Done."

"Hah!" Drakken pointed and laughed. "I win!"

"Whatever." Shego shrugged. "See ya, Hubby." As the door whooshed behind her, Drakken began to count on his fingers while muttering.

"Five, ten, twenty-two… Argh! Shego! You tricked me!"


	3. Chapter 3

3:

The Middleton High Cafeteria:

* * *

Kim Possible waved to her best friend as she neared the lunch table. "Hey Ron!" She noticed he looked depressed. "You didn't do so good on the math test, did you?"

"I don't get it, KP!" Said Ron, stabbing his mystery meat with his fork. "I studied! I spent all night re-reading the chapter!"

"As I recall," Said Kim. "You spent all night on the web, taking online quizzes."

"By the way," Said Ron. "Did you know I was Muhammad Ali in a past life?"

"Ron," Kim said. "Muhammad Ali's not even dead!"

"No?" Kim just rolled her eyes as she sipped her juice. There was a beep from Kim's backpack.

Kim reached down and pulled out her Kim-municator. "What's the Sitch, Wade?"

"Surprising news!" Said Wade cheerfully. "Look!" A card flashed on the screen.

"'Doctor Drakken and Shego Invite You to Celebrate the Union of Two Evils as We Join Our Lives Together in Wedded Bliss.'" Read Ron over Kim's shoulder.

Rufus jumped from Ron's pocket onto the table. "Bum Bum Ba Dum!" He sang, then burst into peals of laughter.

"Wow," Said Ron. "Shego and Drakken. Who knew?"

"Ron," Said Kim. "They're not really getting married!"

"They're not?"

"No!" Cried Kim. "This is obviously some kind of code! Maybe a villain's convention, or a send out to all other villains to join in some nefarious plot!" She narrowed her eyes and rubbed her chin. "What could it be?"

"Nefarious? Wasn't he a king or something?" Asked Ron.

Kim rolled her eyes. "That's Nefertiti, Ron. She's an Egyptian queen. A dead Egyptian queen."

"You mean," Shouted Ron, jumping out of his seat. "Drakken's going to bring a mummy to life? Oh the humanity! When will it end?"

"Ron!" Kim shook her red head in disgust. "I think I know my arch-foe! And Drakken and Shego are definitely up to something! Something big!"

"Yeah, ok." Said Ron, sitting back down. "Does it say where they're registered? I'd like to give them a gift!"

Kim groaned and put her head down on the table.

* * *

Drakken almost danced into the living room. "Look at all these RSPVs!" He held two armfuls of letters. "We'll have the grandest wedding ever!"

"Whatever." Shego changed the channel on the television.

"I'm serious, Shego!" Drakken dropped the envelopes on the floor next to her. "Duff Killgan, the Señors, Falsetto Jones…Hmmm." He sifted through the mail. "I don't see Monkey Fist's RSVP in here. And I was going to ask him to be my best man."

"You mean best monkey."

"Very cute," Muttered Drakken. "Ah well, I guess Cousin Eddy can fill in." Drakken stood. "You know, at first I was against this whole marriage thing, but now I'm getting excited! Who knew planning a wedding could be so much fun! I'm as giddy as a school girl!" He leaned over the back of the chair. "Aren't you excited, Shego?"

"Yeah, sure." She said absently.

"You know," Drakken put his hands on his hips. "You could show a little more enthusiasm."

Shego twirled a finger in the arm. "Hoo hah."

The doorbell rang. "Oh, now who could that be?" Drakken grumbled as he went to answer it. "It figures we would have company when I have so much to do. I still have to call the florist, and I don't even know what color…" He swung open the door and shrieked. "Mother?"

Mama Lipsky pushed past her son. "So you weren't going to tell your own mother about your wedding, hmm?" She shoved her suitcase in his arms. "I had to hear it from Mrs. Cunningham at Bingo, who heard it from Cousin Eddy's mother, who heard it from Cousin Eddy. So," She continued into the living room. "Where's the lucky bride?"

Shego stood up from the chair. "Mama Lipsky?" The short woman rushed over to Shego and gave her a bone-crushing hug.

"Ooh!" Mama Lipsky squealed. "So here is my future daughter-in-law!" Setting Shego back on the ground, she stepped back and looked her up and down. "You're so skinny!"

"Yeah, so?" Shego said defensively.

"Woman who are too skinny have a harder time delivering babies! Oh well, we'll fatten you up in no time."

"Delivering WHAT?" Shego shouted.

"Now, now, Mother," Drakken said meekly. "Neither Shego nor I are very big on children…"

"Nonsense, Drewbie!" Mama Lipsky shook a fat finger. "You promised me grandchildren someday!"

"I said I'd think about it." Drakken said through clenched teeth. Mama Lipsky turned to Shego.

"Here is almost four-thirty and you're not preparing dinner! What kind of future wife are you?"

"Fine," Shego turned. "I'll just order a pizza. Extra cheese as usual, Doc? You want bacon or olives this time?"

"Bacon?" Shrieked Mama Lipsky. "That's not kosher! Not kosher at all! And pizza! You should be _cooking_ for your almost husband!" She grabbed Shego's arm. "Here, I'll show you how to make the Famous Lipsky Family Pot Roast!"

As Mama Lipsky pulled her into the kitchen, Shego looked over her shoulder at Drakken. "I'm gonna get you for this, Doctor D!"

Drakken pouted as they disappeared. "But I like pizza!"


	4. Chapter 4

4:

* * *

"So far I haven't been able to uncover Drakken's plot," Said Kim. She was splayed across her bed. Ron was spinning in the computer chair. "But my instinct tells me this is going to be huge!"

"You know," Said Ron as he spiraled around and around. "Maybe they really are getting married."

"Come on," Kim gave a short laugh. "Drakken and Shego? It'd never work. Shego's so short tempered and hostile and Drakken's…well, Drakken."

"Opposites attract, KP." Ron slid his feet along the floor, causing the chair to halt. Clutching his stomach, he groaned, "Thought of the day: Never spin in a spinny chair after Grande sizing on Nacos. Bleh!"

"Ron, if you throw up in here, my mom will throw a fit." The Kim-municator beeped and Kim grabbed it. "Hey, Wade."

"Hey, Kim. Guess what?" Wade slurped his strawberry slushy before saying, "Professor Dementor was just seen entering 'Tex's Tuxes…'"

"On my way!" Kim somersaulted off the bed. "Have you called in a favor yet?"

"Whoa, whoa! Slow down, Kim!" Said Wade. "He didn't do anything but buy a tux!"

"Are you serious?" Asked Ron.

"Yeah. According to the tipster, Dementor entered the store, destroyed a rack of cummerbunds after he learned they didn't have a size forty, which he then paid to replace, and then ordered a custom-made navy tailcoat. Oh, and he also purchased a tie."

"So?"

_"So…"_ Wade gave her a skeptical look. "Sounds like he's going to a wedding."

"That's just they want you to think." Kim signed off. "Now what event could require a tux?"

"Uh, duh Kim," Said Ron. "A wedding!"

"Duh Kim!" Mimicked Rufus.

"Forget the wedding!" Kim leaned forward as she snapped. "There is no wedding! I mean, can you actually picture Shego as a wife? I mean, what force on Earth could get her to the altar?"

* * *

At Drakken and Shego's lair, dinner was already underway. Mama Lipsky stabbed a piece of pot roast with her fork.

"So let me get this straight," She said. "You're telling me the only reason you two are getting married is for money?"

"Um, yeah." Drakken said awkwardly. "Ooh look, peas!" He rolled them around his plate. "I like peas! They squoosh so easily." In a low voice he added, "I like to pretend they're people I know." Stabbing the green pellets repeatedly, Drakken yelled, "DIE KIM POSSIBLE DIE!" Then he cackled.

"I should have known!" Cried Mama Lipsky. She leaned over and pinched Shego in the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"Gold digger!"

"Now, now Mother," Said Drakken, looking up from his plate. "With all that money I can afford to buy you that condo in Florida you've always talked about!"

Mama Lipsky smiled. "Would cats be allowed? I've always wanted a kitty cat!"

"Mother," Said Drakken grandly. "Once I get this money, you can have any animal you want!" Taking a bite of pot roast, he smiled. "Mmm! Shego, this is delicious! It's like Heaven's dancing on my tongue!"

"Are you crazy?" Interjected Mama Lipsky. "The roast is too salty, the peas are too mushy, and the gravy is full of lumps! Not to mention the iced tea!" She took a large swig and said, "I don't like lemon flavored tea!"

Shego growled. "I told you I wasn't a chef."

"At least you'll be able to fit into the dress."

Shego looked up. "What dress?"

"Didn't Drewbie tell you?" Said Mama Lipsky. "You're going to wear the Lipsky wedding dress! It's been passed down from generation to generation!"

Shego groaned. "Can't I just wear a pants suit?"

"No!" Cried Drakken's mother.

Shego pushed out her chair. "Boss, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute?"

"Can't we have dessert first?" Shego grabbed his arm and yanked him out of his seat. "Ow!"

"Move it!"

* * *

In the kitchen, Shego crossed her arms and glared. "I want more money."

"What?" Drakken shouted. "You can't be serious!"

Shego pointed towards the dining room. "If I have to have that woman for a mother-in-law for Infinity and Beyond, I want sixty-five percent!"

"No way!"

Shego shrugged and walked towards the door. "Fine. Good luck finding some other girl to marry…"

Drakken clenched his tiny, gloved hands to his head. "All right, all right! Sixty-five percent!" He shook a finger. "But that's it!"

"Sixty-five percent of five hundred million?" Shego smiled smugly. "With that much money, I can put up with almost anything!"


	5. Chapter 5

5:

Several weeks later

* * *

Shego grasped her head in her hands as she sat in the armchair by the TV. "I can't take anymore!"

"Yoo hoo!" Called Mama Lipsky, entering the lair with enough shopping bags to fill a tank. "I just came back from Smarty Mart and you won't believe all the wonderful things I found!" She reached into one bag and pulled out a tiny blue jumper. Across its front were the words: 'My Daddy's a Doctor!' "Isn't it adorable? I also bought a pink one in case your first child's a girl!"

Shego jumped out of the chair. "For the last time, Woman, I don't want kids!"

Mama Lipsky shook her finger. "You know, in the old days, you would have been burned at the stake! A real woman has a maternal instinct!"

"In the old days," Shego countered. "You would have been thrown off a cliff because you're too old to be of any use!" Both glared while growling and clenching fists.

The door swished open and Drakken entered. "Mother, I didn't hear you come in!" He stepped gingerly around the bags. "What's all this?"

"I bought you both presents for your new life together!" Mama Lipsky glowered at Shego. "But someone doesn't appreciate anything I do!"

Drakken was digging in one of the bags. He held up a box. "A new blender! Why, Mother, how did you know?"

"Your old one's cord is fried! I tried to use it the other day, because your fiancée wouldn't make me a smoothie!" Shego crossed her arms and scowled.

"What's this?" Drakken took out the jumper from the bag. "'My Daddy's a Doctor.' Isn't that so cute?"

"Drakken!" Shouted Shego.

"I mean, for someone else." He dropped the little outfit. "By the way, Shego, I just received a call from the florist. He said they were out of black roses for your bouquet, so do you want a different color, or would you rather have something else? They're having a special on Baby's Breath and Lilies!"

Shego growled. "I don't care."

"Well, you should!" Snapped Drakken. "Whatever you choose I have to wear in my lapel! And it has to match my tuxedo! Do you want me to look like a fashion faux pas on our wedding day?"

Shego screamed. "ARGHHH!" She cried as she ran from the room. "YOU _BOTH_ ARE DRIVING ME _CRAZY_!"

"You know," Said Mama Lipsky as the doors hissed shut behind her. "That woman you're marrying has such a terrible temper!" There was the sound of crashing as Shego slammed something into a wall in the next room.

Drakken sighed. "Believe me, I know."

* * *

The phone in Ron's bedroom rang. Half asleep, the teen fumbled in the dark until his hand touched the receiver. "H-hello?"

"Rise and shine, Early Bird!" Said Wade in a cheerful voice.

Ron rubbed his eyes and checked his clock. "Wade, do you know what time it is?"

"Um, four thirty?"

"The time is _IT'S TOO DANG EARLY_!" Shouted Ron.

"Too early!" Agreed Rufus, tunneling deeper under the covers.

Ron yawned. "Call me back when it's daylight."

"No, wait!" Said Wade before he could hang up. "Kim asked me to call. You two are going to Bermuda today!"

"Why?" Ron lay back down on his pillow. He put his hand over his eyes.

"That's where Shego and Drakken are getting married…" Wade coughed. "Excuse me. 'Hatching some horrible plot.'"

Ron sighed. "This whole thing is ridiculous!"

"Agreed." Said Wade. "But you never know. Kim's instinct is usually right."

"Whatever." Ron swung his legs over the side of the mattress. He reached under the bed frame and pulled out a package. "Guess what I got for them?" He shook the beribboned box. "A blender! I just hope they don't already have one!"

* * *

Shego stood in front of the mirror in the bride's dressing room. Yards upon yards of yellowing antique lace billowed onto the floor. A veil covered Shego's face, hindering most of her sight. "I look like a Hostess Snowball." She scowled at her reflection.

"Oh!" Mama Lipsky dabbed her eyes with a hankie. "You look just as pretty as I did on my wedding day!"

"Um, thanks…"

"Of course," The short woman continued. "My figure was better than yours! I was shaped like an hourglass. You're just a twig!"

Shego snarled and held up two glowing fists, ready to deck her almost mother-in-law into a wall.

"Sis!"

Shego turned. "Hego? Is that you?" She asked, moving aside the veil. She was answered by a crunching hug. "Whoa! No touchy!"

Hego set his sister down. "Why look at you! You're pretty as a picture!"

"Why doesn't anyone ever say how good I look?" Whined a voice.

Hego laughed and clapped his brother on the back. "Now Mego, this is Shego's big day! You should be happy for her!"

Mego smiled and put his hand to his chest. "Indeed, _I'm_ happy for you, Shego!"

"Hey!" Mama Lipsky cried. "You can't be in here! No men allowed!"

Hego waved as the duo exited. "Good luck, Shego!"

"Yes," Mego added. "And I'll be sure to see you someday at _my_ wedding!"

* * *

Drakken fumbled with his tie in front of the mirror. "I never could tie one of these things!"

The door slammed open and Motor Ed slid onto the room on his knees. "WAHHHH YEAHHHH!" He sang, playing air guitar. _"Here comes the bride, all dressed in white…"_

"Eddy, please." Said Drakken. "I'm a nervous wreck enough as it is!"

"Saw the bride before your mother kicked me out!" Said Motor Ed, standing up and joining Drakken by the mirror. "That woman is a fox, man! A real babe!"

"Who? My mother?"

"No, man! I mean Ol' Green and Glowing!" Ed rolled his eyes. "Seriously!"

"A fox, huh?" Drakken smirked. "Even in the Lipsky wedding dress?"

"I think that was her in there!" Both men laughed heartily.

Someone knocked on the door. "Come in." Drakken watched a trio troop in. "Mr. Dewy, Cheatham, and Howe!" He smiled and nudged Motor Ed. "Eddy, this are Uncle Boaz's lawyers. You know, the ones with _the money_?"

Ed's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! The money! The moolah, the dough, the mazuma, the greenbacks…"

"Anyway," Drakken interrupted, pushing his cousin aside. "I assume you have a check for me?"

"Yes, but you won't receive it until after the ceremony." Said Dewy. "You know, to make sure you don't take the money and run."

"Of course!" Drakken said agreeably. There was a growl and a huff, then the door swung open.

"I can't take anymore of that woman!" Snapped Shego, lifting the skirt of her dress so she wouldn't trip. "As soon as the ceremony's over, we're sticking her in a nursing home for good!"

"Shego!" Drakken protested. "You know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding!"

The lawyers looked back and forth between Drakken and Shego. Dewy pointed to her. "Who is this?"

"The bride of course!" Snapped Shego. "You think I'm wearing this thing for kicks?"

Dewy turned to Drakken. "Didn't we tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Tell him what?"

"Your Uncle Boaz already named the woman you're supposed to marry in his will!" Said Cheatham. "You're supposed to marry your uncle's sister-in-law's niece's daughter!"

Dewy continued, "Yes, she and Mr. Lipsky were very close, and he'd always hoped to see her settled down…"

"Wait a minute!" Interrupted Shego. "You're saying we don't have to get married after all?"

"That's correct." Dewy looked apologetic. "I do hope you're not too heartbroken…"

Shego grinned and tossed her bouquet over her shoulder. "Hallelujah!" She turned to leave. "See ya!"

"Wait a minute!" Motor Ed leaped in front of her, blocking her exit. "I know it's a little soon for you to be getting back in the saddle," He grinned and put his meaty arm around her shoulders. "But how about letting me be your escort?"

* * *

Inside Drakken's dressing room, there was a shout and a crash. Ed flew out the door and collided headfirst with the wall. "Whoa!" He cried, picking himself up. "That woman's totally stole my heart, Man! Seriously!"


	6. Chapter 6

6:

* * *

Kim scaled the roof. "Imagine!" She grunted as she hoisted herself up. "Drakken and Shego renting a church! They must think I'm stupid to fall for such an obvious cover up!"

Ron panted as he grasped the edge of the roof. "Kim…"

"Hmm?"

He shook his head. "Never mind."

* * *

At the altar, Drakken tapped his watch. "Come on, come on. What's taking so long?"

"Relax, Man!" Said Motor Ed. "You should cherish your last few moments as a free man!"

"Hmmm," Drakken crossed his arms. "I guess so…"

"Shh!" Ed put a finger to his lips. "It's starting!"

The organ music started, as pretty as the bride now standing in the doorway. In the audience, Señor Senior Junior began to cry loudly.

Señor Senior Senior nudged him. "Hush, my son!"

"But Father," Sniffled Junior. "It is so beautiful!" Holding his father, he continued to audibly sob.

Down the aisle the bride walked. Drakken began to twitch nervously. _Think of the money. Think of the money…_

The pastor cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two villains in holy…"

There was a crash. The audience gasped. Sprawled in the middle of the aisle lay two teens and a rodent. Above them, splinters of wood and dirt rained from the hole in the ceiling.

"What the-" Drakken snarled. He pointed to them. "Crashers! Wedding crashers!"

Kim jumped up. "Nice try Drakken! But I know this is all just a ruse!"

"Say what?"

"I know this is a just a cover up for your real plan!" She declared.

"Oh really?" Drakken put his hands on his hips. "Which is…"

Kim looked stricken. "Well, I, uh, haven't figured it out yet…"

"Kim," Ron tapped her on the shoulder. "Look around. Flowers, tuxes, not to mention that woman in the dress…"

"So?"

"So?" Ron yelled. "I told you there was no plot! Wade woke me up for nothing!"

"Um, uh, well…" Kim blushed and rubbed the back of her head. "This really is a wedding, isn't it?"

"No duh!" Snapped Drakken.

"Wait," Said Ron. "I thought you were marrying Shego." In the crowd, Shego waved.

"There's been a change of plans."

Kim looked like she wanted to disappear. "Sorry everyone. I guess we'll just leave…"

Ron held up his box. "I brought a gift!"

"Ron!"

"Well," Said Drakken, scratching his chin. "Since you did spend the money, I guess you can stay." He pointed angrily. "But no more damage!"

Kim and Ron took a seat next to Dementor. "Nice tailcoat!" Said Ron.

"Zank you." Said Dementor. "You don't tink it makes me look too hippy?"

"Sh!" Said Kim.

At the altar, Drakken turned to the veiled woman. "Finally," He said. "Now I can see who my mystery bride is…" He lifted the veil…

And screamed. "DNAMY!"

The short dark woman winked. "Hi Honey Bunny! Who knew we were distant relatives, huh?" She grabbed him tightly around the middle. "And now we get to spend the rest of our lives together! Bless Uncle Boaz!"

Drakken stammered. "W-w-what…how…" Then angrily, he shouted, "Stop the wedding!"

DNAmy let go. "What's wrong, Honey Bunny?"

"What's wrong?" Drakken pulled the flower out of his lapel and threw it to the ground. He crushed it under his shoe. "I'll tell you what's wrong! There's no amount of money in the world that could convince me to marry you! Not after last time!"

DNAmy sniveled. "Oh woe is me!" She sobbed. "Always a bridesmaid but never a bride!" She clutched her bouquet to her chest. "All I want is to be loved!"

"_Aw…"_ Said the audience.

Embarrassed by his outburst, Drakken waved his hands. "Calm down, Amy. What I meant to say is…well, I don't think we're…quite compatible…"

"I know what you meant." Said Amy, wiping her nose on her dress's sleeve. "Oh, isn't there one man in the entire world who would want me?"

In the back of the room, the doors slammed open and an army of primates ran in. Their leader dashed in behind them. Pointing to the altar, he shouted, "Monkey Ninjas object!"

"AHHH!" Screamed Ron. "Monkeys in tuxedos! WAHHHHH!"

"You know, Father," Said Junior, turning to look at Monkey Fist and his minions. "This is the weirdest wedding I've ever been to."

"I at least hope they have shrimp at the reception." Said Senior.

A dozen monkeys jumped on Drakken, pulling on his hair and ripping his tux. "Stop it! Ow! This is a rental! Ouch! Shego, help!"

Shego somersaulted out of the pew. "I gotcha, Boss! Hee yah!" Punching wildly, she sent the simians flying.

Monkey Fist was now at the altar. He scooped Amy up in his hairy arms. "Amy, I now realize it is you I love, no matter how crazy you are!" DNAmy wrapped her arms around his neck and squealed. "Come my Monkey Ninjas! Our ride is waiting!"

And running towards a window, the half monkey man leapt through the glass, shattering it and sending shards flying. The guests stood up and swarmed to the broken frame.

Still holding Amy, Monkey Fist nodded to a large banana shaped aircraft. A rope dangled out the open side door.

"Ooh, look, Father! The plane! The plane!" Shouted Junior excitedly.

Monkey Fist grabbed the rope, and with one arm, climbed up to the jet. Before they disappeared, Amy leaned out of the carrier and threw her bouquet. "Bye, bye!" She called, waving.

The nosegay fell into Ron's outstretched hands. "Look, Kim! I caught the flowers!"

"I wanted to catch the flowers!" Whined Mego. "No fair!"

Kim crossed her arms. "Right Ron. You're a junior in high school! Who are you going to marry?"

"I dunno," Said Ron, following her out of the church. "But maybe I already know her. Maybe she's even here today!"

"In Bermuda?" Laughed Kim.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. It's silly." Said Ron, tossing the lilies over his shoulder. They landed at Drakken's feet.

He leaned down and picked them up. Then he turned and handed them to Shego. She looked surprised. "What's this for?"

"Look," Drakken scratched his head. "I know you don't feel _that_ way about me."

"Yeah?"

"But…I guess what…uh…if I had to be married to anyone, you…I mean, I wouldn't mind…" His face turned a shade of lavender. "I'm trying to say that you wouldn't be the worst person in the world to marry."

Shego blinked. "Well, thanks, Doc. And I guess you wouldn't be the worst either."

He smiled. She smiled back. Then she punched him in the shoulder. Drakken laughed.

"Come on, pal. Let's go kick my mother out of our lair."

"Hold it!" Said a voice. The two turned to see Dewy, Cheatham and Howe.

"I know," Said Drakken. "I didn't marry Amy, so I don't get the money."

"And according to your Uncle's will, since Amy didn't marry you, she won't receive her portion in addition to what she already inherited. That leaves the third beneficiary your Uncle listed."

"Who?"

The trio paused and then said, "Motor Ed!"

Ed ran down the aisle and started to play air guitar. "AWWWW YEAHHHH!" He sang. "I'm rich, man! Seriously! I'm rich!"

Grinning at Shego, he winked at her. "Say Babe, now that I'm loaded, wanna take a look at my engine?"

Shego growled and landed a left cross that sent the mulleted man sprawling.

Upside down across the room, Ed grinned. "She's the girl for me, Man! Seriously!"

* * *

In the air:

"But Pookie," Pouted DNAmy. "I thought you liked kids!"

"I like them to stay out of way." Monkey Fist grasped the plane controls. "Every scheme I've ever concocted has gone south thanks to a bunch of meddling kids and their rat!"

"But, but…" DNAmy reached into her pocket and pulled out a shirt. "Look it what it says: 'My Daddy's a Genetically Mutated…'"

The banana plane screeched to a halt. "That's it! Get out!"

"But we're in the air!"

"I know!"


End file.
